How have we fallen! A reminder of the Torah-true view of having children
Too many have forgotten that birth control is assur in all forms al pi Torah. “Heterim” are for very extenuating circumstances. They are very bidieved and NOT meant to be dispensed like candy.
BS”D
As a follow up to our previous article, I wish to illustrate the correct Hashkafos regarding building a family, and the grave prohibition of contraception (unless it is for a serious medical need and has been approved by an expert Rav.)
To my great pain and surprise, I discovered that the phenomenon of very generous “child spacing” by means of birth control - for no medical reason - has become extremely widespread in many frum circles, and so has the practice of brand new couples “waiting” a year or two. It is incomprehensible to me that this is being condoned.
Here we see the terribly destructive effects at play, of the organization I mentioned in the previous article. They have normalized birth control across the spectrum of Klal Yisrael - not only to the general population, but also by having “educated” a new generation of young Rabbonim with their harmful ideas - and are preventing untold thousands of births for no good reason at all.
The pain over this terrible breach in our Mesora, and over the diminishment of Klal Yisrael, is intense. May Hashem set our nation back on track speedily, and undo the damage.
On the Torah view of bringing children into the world
Translated from Sefer Otzar Tahara by Rav Shlomo Dovid Klein (London)
(This excerpt includes most of the chapter. The PDFs attached below have the complete version.)
Part 1: Contraception - the seriousness of the prohibition
It is forbidden to take any action to prevent pregnancy, and this is a serious matter.(1)
Even when doctors advise this, there is usually no medical basis for it and it is merely based on their carefree attitude of these matters. Nevertheless, in cases of great need, there are methods that can be approved in certain circumstances, for example when a woman feels physically or emotionally weak after childbirth. One cannot set out general guidelines in these matters and a competent Moreh Horo’oh must be consulted. When contraception is permitted, one must clarify exactly which methods may be used, as some of them involve repeated serious issurim.
One cannot compare one case to another and may not rely on rulings supposedly given to others; it is essential that a Moreh Hora’ah is consulted in each individual case.(2)
Part 1 footnotes:
(1) The Poskim throughout the generations have written at length on the seriousness of this matter, and their words have been collected in Sedei Chemed (Asifas Dinim, Ishus 1-32) and Otzar Haposkim (23:5).
Recent Poskim have also written on the subject at length, see: Igros Moshe (Even Ho’ezer 3:21 and 24, 4:67, 69, 73 and 74); Chelkas Yaakov (Even Ho’ezer 61); Shiurei Shevet Halevy (194:1); Minchas Yitzchok (5:100); Tzitz Eliezer (6:42 9:51 15:43); Yabia Omer (10 Even Ho’ezer 24); Mishneh Halochos (5:210) and Shiurei Torah Lerof’im (by Rav Y. Silberstein, Vol. 4) and we shall present here very briefly the main issues that they raise.
A. Chazal warned in very strong terms against the avoidance of the mitzva of having children, stating that one who is not engaged in this mitzva is chayav misah in this world and will not live in Olom Haboh. One is ostracized in Shomayim and commits a misdeed that cannot be rectified, it is as if one has shed blood and causes the Shechina to depart from Yisroel (see Brochos 10 and Yevomos 63-64). By using methods of contraception one is certainly not considered to be involved in the mitzva of having children, and is included in the above.
In fact, this is worse than someone who is not involved in the mitzva as here one is actively preventing the fulfilment of the mitzva.
B. Even if one has already fulfilled the mitzva of having children, there remains a mitzva to have more children, as Chazal (Yevomos 62) explain on the pasuk:
‘Sow your seed in the morning and in the evening do not hold back your hand [from sowing] as you do not know which [produce] shall be successful and if both will be equally good’.
This ruling is also codified by the Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 15:7), who writes:
Even if a person has fulfilled the mitzva of having children, he still has a mitzva Midivrei Sofrim not to avoid the continued fulfillment of this mitzva as long as he has strength, as one who adds one nefesh to Yisroel is as if he has built a world. The Bach (Yoreh Deah 228) rules that this is a Torah obligation.
C. Chazal teach us (Avoda Zara 5 and Nidda 13) that Moshiach will not come until all the neshomos destined to come to this world have come, so by avoiding birth of more children, one is delaying the coming of Moshiach.
D. The use of some forms of contraception involve the infringement of serious Torah prohibitions (see Even Ho’ezer 5:11).
E. Besides for the reasons set out above, one should be aware that taking contraceptive pills (that affect the hormones) for an extended period involves serious health risks, as mentioned in Igros Moshe, and already referred to by the Chasam Sofer (6:40) and Toras Chesed (Even Ho’ezer 64). This is also the view of contemporary doctors. Ashrei Yoladeto (Kuntres Sama Dechayusa) brings the testimony of a recognized American doctor that this can cause disease of the breast R’l due to its effect on something in the genetic makeup of many Ashkenazi women, and should therefore be avoided whenever possible. It can also cause dangerous blood clots R’l. The sefer Orchos Habayis (p. 205) writes as follows: Every Bas Yisroel should therefore avoid taking contraceptive pills unless it is absolutely necessary, and by this she will be doing herself and her children a great favor.
(2) The Sheivet HaLevi (4:167) writes: It is common for female doctors to advise women regarding contraception and on other matters that are contrary to the holiness of our Holy Torah, and they should be taught not to accept their advice and to accept only the rulings given to them by competent Morei Hora’ah who are guided by Tahara and Yiras Hashem. The Chelkas Yaakov writes the following:
The doctors greatly exaggerate [the risks of pregnancy] as in their warped opinion contraception is a trivial matter, and for the slightest reason they say that there is a danger [involved in pregnancy], and one must investigate very carefully and clarify if what they say is true.
Part 2: Trust in Hashem
It is important to mention here that in our times there are those who seek heteirim for contraception due to a lack of Bitochon (trust in Hashem), not wishing to carry the burden of bringing up children and associated housekeeping duties, or due to living in a small apartment. The Acharonim have written(3) that one should protest strongly against this attitude, and should know that in fact, blessing and success increase as the family increases and a larger family brings great blessing in all aspects of life. According to the Torah hashkafa, having many children is a great bracha for a person, not chas vesholom the opposite(4), as stated by the Sefer Chassidim (519) in the following passage:
A person should not be concerned that his wife will become pregnant thinking that he will not be able to support the newborn, as for that reason Hakodosh Boruch Hu provides a mother with milk for her child - in order to show that Hakodosh Boruch Hu provides sustenance together with the birth of a child. He who gives life gives sustenance. One should therefore place one’s trust in Hashem who provides for all living creatures and He provides everyone who trusts in Him with all their needs, with physical and emotional health and everything good.
The Sheivet HaLevi (11:291) writes as follows: Dovid Hamelech writes in Tehillim (107), ‘And He has lifted the poor from poverty and He has established families like a flock’ revealing to us that the raising from poverty comes through increasing the size of the family, which will eventually bring both spiritual and physical bounty. Having a larger number of children, in accordance with the dictates of Torah and Halocho does not result in a reduction of one’s livelihood.’
‘Furthermore, with each child whom one brings into the world, one increases one’s partnership with Hakodosh Boruch Hu in the creating of His world, as Chazal teach us, ‘There are three partners in each person, Hakodosh Boruch Hu, the father, and the mother’.
Part 2 footnotes:
(3) See references in previous note. The Levushei Mordechai, who was the leading posek of his generation in Hungary, writes (Even Ho’ezer 28) as follows:
But those who [wish to avoid pregnancy] for no reason except for the fact they think it is good for them not to have children to bring up and due to a lack of bitochon and a worry over their livelihood, cholilo to engage in this practice [of contraception], and it is a man’s duty to protest strongly against it.
According to the Chasam Sofer it appears that he is obliged to divorce his wife in such a case [where she insists on contraception]. Where he has not yet fulfilled the mitzva of having children it is surely obvious [that it is forbidden], but even if he has, unless it is due to the pain of childbirth or illness, the same halocho would seem to apply as there is no one who permits it. His words are also quoted in brief by the Minchas Yitzchok (3:27).
Mesores Moshe (containing rulings of Rav Moshe Feinstein) writes as follows:
When our Rebbe was asked to permit contraception and he was told that the person’s wife suffers badly from a nervous condition, etc, he would say that all this is the result of a slight lack of emuna or bitochon - not trusting that Hashem will give them strength etc, and this is something that I have seen is prevalent … they are somewhat lacking in emuna and bitochon, especially when it involves these matters.
(4) There are many proofs from the Torah that having more children is a bracha:
1. Hakodosh Boruch Hu blessed Avrohom Avinu that his children should be as many as the dust of the earth. 2. When Lavan Harasha blessed his daughter Rivka, he said, ‘Our sister – may you multiply to thousands of ten thousands’. 3. When Leah was blessed with a fourth child she was filled with joy and said, ‘This time I thank Hashem’ and we find she continued to give thanks after she was blessed with more children. 4. Yaakov blessed his sons that they should multiply like fish. 5. The Gemara (Brochos 63) teaches that our ancestors were blessed with multiple-births of six children at a time. 6. We express this blessing and request in the Zemer of Hamavdil sung after Havdala: ‘May our children and our wealth multiply like the sand’. 7. The Gemara (Kesubos) says that just as yeast is beneficial for dough, so the [menstrual] blood is beneficial for a woman - as it brings her more children. 8. Chazal tell us (Shabbos 30) that among the brochos that we will merit in the future [after the coming of Mashiach, is that a woman will give birth every day. [These sources, as well as others, are quoted in the sefer Kereisi u’Plesi Hamevo’or].
Part 3: Don’t be misled that having a smaller family will make you stronger and healthier
Some have the idea that having a smaller family will make them stronger and healthier, but the truth is that if we look back at our mothers and grandmothers, who did not have all the conveniences and gadgets that we have now - they had no gas and electricity and running water - yet it did not occur to them to refrain from bringing children into the world.
They knew that this is a woman’s main purpose in life and they were overjoyed at the birth of their tenth child as they were at the first, and after the birth of each child they felt better and felt full of satisfaction at having fulfilled their duty.
Whereas today, when facilities related to childbirth are much better than they were in the past, people seek all kinds of methods to avoid pregnancy. But Chazal teach us that
‘Everyone who adds one nefesh to Klal Yisroel is as if they created a world’(5), and Hakodosh Boruch Hu rewards parents greatly for each child born to them, and each child brings a bracha to the home.
We should follow in the ways of our fathers and mothers and not be misled by those who have no Yiras Hashem in their hearts, and whose entire lifestyle is based merely on enjoying worldly pleasures and comforts.
A woman who conducts herself in accordance with the Torah path will be blessed by Hakodosh Boruch Hu with children who are righteous and pure, and she will be blessed with bracha and hatzlacha, and everything good.(6)
(5) Rambam, Hilchos Ishus 15:16.
(6) Sefer Orchos HaBayis (by the author of Mo’adim U’Zemanim, p. 206)
Part 4: Don’t be misled into thinking that you are benefitting your children
There are some who have the mistaken belief that they are limiting the size of their family for the benefit of their children, thinking that in a large family it is impossible to give each child the personal attention they require. But in fact, it is better for children to grow up in a large family, where the older children gradually help with the care of the younger ones. In a small family, children often grow up spoiled, do not assist in household chores, and suffer later due to being unused to taking responsibility and helping their mother – they expect an easy life which they do not achieve and they suffer from constantly strained nerves as a result of this.(7)
(7) From a letter by the Kehillas Yaakov ztl (the letter is printed in full in Orchos Rabeinu 4:75)
Part 5: The measure of each person’s suffering and pleasure in life are decreed Min Hashomayim, and one cannot escape from it.
Furthermore, even if one were to hold the mistaken belief(8) that by reducing the size of one’s family one slightly reduces one’s domestic responsibilities, one should be aware that, ‘truly, the amount of pain and suffering as well as the amount of pleasure in life is all decreed Min HaShomayim on Rosh Hashana, and one cannot escape from it.
If a person avoids some type of responsibility that involves suffering, some other form of suffering will take its place, and the overall level of pain will not be reduced or increased.
Hashem has all kinds of means of bringing this about, all kinds of illnesses R’l, poverty R’l, embarrassment, quarrels and disagreements between husband and wife or with neighbours or partners, pressure from creditors, depression with no apparent cause, losing appeal to others, misery etc, and no method in the world can reduce or increase the level of suffering or the joy of life and pleasure decreed in Heaven for a person.
If one minimizes life’s responsibilities through contraception, Hashem knows which other form of responsibility to replace it with, at that time, or some years later, and a person should not engage in any endeavours that go against the natural order of life that has been ordained by the Creator – may He be blessed!’(9)
Part 5 footnotes:
(8) The Kehillas Yaakov writes (in his letter): Women make a great mistake in thinking that they are making their lives easier by not having many children. In fact there is no difference between being busy looking after three children or seven children, as in both cases she will be busy and occupied all day and will rest at night. That is truly the reality.
(9) The holy words of the Kehilas Yaakov in his letter – quoted above. See also Eretz Tzvi al haTorah (by the holy gaon of Kozhiglov, at the end of Parshas Vayeitzei) where he writes as follows:
Just as the extent of a person’s livelihood [for the coming year] is decreed on Rosh Hashana, similarly, the measure of his enjoyment [he is to have in the coming year] is decreed on Rosh Hashana, and it is impossible for a person to take for himself even a miniscule measure of enjoyment or honor that was not decreed on Rosh Hashana for him to have. And if he does enjoy something that he should not have benefitted from, he loses something of the enjoyment allowed to him [elsewhere]. A similar statement was made by the holy Rav Shlomo of Zevil (Tzadik Yesod Olom Vol. 2 p. 316).
Part 6: Points to think about
•Another point to think about is that children are more precious to their parents than all the world’s riches and they will do whatever they possibly can for their children. So how can they so light-heartedly take a decision to engage in methods to avoid the birth of more children?(10)
• Shlomo Hamelech said in his wisdom, ‘Sow your seed in the morning and in the evening do not hold back your hand [from sowing] as you do not know which [produce] shall be successful and if both will be equally good.’(11)
This means that even if you gave birth to children in your younger years, continue to give birth as you grow older, as you do not know which of them shall be good and G-d fearing, and will be lasting.(12)
This is even more relevant in our days of increased nisyonos, and it is surely worthwhile to do whatever one can when one is younger and when one is older to merit a child who is a true Yerei Shomayim.(13)
Who can know how much nachas people deprive themselves of by limiting the size of their families – they may be stopping the birth of a child who would light up the world, and certainly one from whom the parents would have derived more nachas than they did from their other children.
See some amazing stories on this (footnote 14.)
Part 6 footnotes:
(10) Chelkas Yaakov (Even Ho’ezer 61). He concludes with the following:
I have written at some length with sharp language, because my heart mourns over the breach that has become prevalent amongst some sectors of our nation to follow the accursed practice, in France and places associated with it. This was written in 5615 (1955), and in our days, for our many sins, the spiritual diseases is continually spreading.
(11) Koheles (11:6).
(12) Rashi on Yevomos (62: ‘Ei zeh yichshar’).
(13) Siforno (Koheles 11:16).
(14)
a. Rashi writes (Koheles 11:16) that we find that Avtzon had 30 married daughters and 30 married sons and all of them died during his lifetime. In his old age he gave birth to Oveid, who survived.
b. In Parshas Bereishis it tells us that Lemech had two wives, Ada and Tzila. Rashi explains that Ada gave birth to his children and Tzila used a contraceptive potion. Yet we find further in the Parsha that Tzila gave birth to Tuval Kayin and his sister Naama. The Baalei Tosfos explain that on that occasion, the contraceptive did not work and she birth to Naama, the wife of Noach, from whose children the whole world was reborn (Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein in Shiurei Torah LeRof’im 4:240).
c. In Maaseh Ish (Vol 1, beginning of Chapter One) the following story is told: The mother of the Chazon Ish was unwell and the doctors told her that it would be dangerous for her to become pregnant and to give birth, but she did not listen to the words of the doctors. Her father, Rav Shaul Katzenelenbogen suggested to his son-in-law that there seemed no option other than divorce, but his daughter felt otherwise. ‘I have been created for this purpose, and Hashem will surely have mercy’, she said. She decided [to remain with her husband and to ignore the doctors’ words], and indeed Hashem had mercy, not only on her, but on all of Klal Yisroel! She gave birth to nine children and all her sons and sons-in- law were Gedolei Yisroel, the greatest of them being the Chazon Ish. (The Chofetz Chayim expressed his amazement at how she merited such tzadikim, and it may well have been the result of her mesirus nefesh).
d. It is told that the father of Steipler Gaon lost his wife when he was sixty, and he did not intend to remarry. But the holy Rebbe of Hornosteipel encouraged him to remarry, and he was blessed with a son – none other than the holy gaon the author of Kehilas Yaakov!
e. The gaon Rav Elazar Menachem Shach said that when his mother was pregnant with him the doctors told her that she must have an abortion. They tried to tell her not to be upset, as after all she already had nine children. She did not listen to the doctors and gave birth to her son, Rav Elazar Menachem Shach – the Godol Hador, and he was almost the only one of her ten children (there was also one daughter) who survived the war (also published in Shiurei Torah Lerof’im).
f. In Tzadik Katomor Yifrach (p. 267) the following story is told by the author of Ayeles Hashachar (shlita) [ztl]: the mother of the gaon Rav Michel Yehuda Lefkowitz ztl was an unmarried girl of over thirty and married a man of about sixty who already had children [from a previous marriage]. But she was clever [and made the correct decision on this]. He was not a special person and it was not considered a particular honor to be married to him. In the end, she gave birth to two children; Rav Michel Yehuda ztl and a daughter who married the gaon Rav Shmuel Rozovsky ztl! The children that he had from his first marriage were simple people, but in the zechus of her being mevater and marrying an older man, she merited giving birth to such a distinguished son - Rav Michel Yehuda ztl.
g. The Chelkas Yaakov writes, ‘in our great misery, after the great destruction [of WWII] that we witnessed with our eyes, there was only one young survivor from large and great families. In many cases, their parents would have foregone giving birth to these young children if they would have been given the choice [yet they were the soul survivors of the family]! Who dares to take such decisions against the order of the creation!
h. A frightening story occurred recently in Bnei Brak; an entire family, parents with their six children, were travelling in a car and had a terrible traffic accident in which all of them except for one young child were killed. The Sheivet HaLevi ztl gave a hesped for the family and cried bitterly before the seven aronos that were tragically being buried together. In the course of his hesped he recounted with deep emotion, that during the pregnancy of the surviving child the mother had come to him to ask if she should have an abortion, as she had been ill with rubella during pregnancy, and it was feared that the child would be born with defects as a result. The Sheivet Halevi had told her that it was forbidden to have an abortion, as there is no heter to abort a child even if it is deformed chas vesholom. The mother followed the Rav’s instructions and the baby was born in good health Boruch Hashem – and was the sole survivor of the family. (Sefer ‘Haposeik’).
Part 7: The issur of abortion
Abortion is a form of murder. Even when doctors say that the fetus is deformed or has a medical problem - lo oleinu,(15) abortion is forbidden, even right at the beginning of a pregnancy.(16) In a case where there is - chas vesholom - a risk to the life of the mother due to her pregnancy, there are cases where abortion is permitted in order to save the life of the mother, and a competent Rov who is expert in these halochos must be consulted.(17)
Part 7 footnotes:
(15) See Tosfos (Chulin 33), Rambam (Hilchos Rotzeiach 1:9) and commentaries. See also Igros Moshe (Choshen Mishpot 2:69, 70) who expounds at length on the seriousness of this prohibition and strongly criticises the attitude of contemporary doctors. See also Tzitz Eliezer (9:51 and 14:100-102).
Additionally, contemporary rabbonim have testified of many cases in which doctors told women to have abortions on the basis of their suspicions that the fetus was unhealthy, and the mothers refused – acting on the instructions of rabbonim, and in fact, they gave birth to perfectly healthy children (see testimony of the Sheivet HaLevi quoted here in an earlier footnote. See also, Orchos Habayis page 255, and other seforim).
(16) See Teshuvos Chavos Yair (31), She’ilas Yaavetz (1:43), Beis Shlomo (Choshen Mishpot 132), Achiezer (3:65), Mogein Avrohom (330:15) and Biur Halocho (330:7 paragraph beginning ‘Oh sofeik’). See also Divrei Yechezkel Hachodosh (Note 52) by the Rebbe of Shiniva.
(17) See Shulchon Oruch (Choshen Mishpot 425:2), Sheivet HaLevy (9:266), Nishmas Avrohom (Choshen Mishpot 425). See also Shiurei Torah Lerof’im (Part Four) for further details on this.
My plea:
The longer that the terrible breach is allowed to go on, the more firmly rooted this twisted way of thinking becomes, and the more difficult it is to change. Entire lifestyles and expectations are built on values which are a breach of Torah hashkafos, and grave harm is being done to Klal Yisrael.
Tragically, the influence of the non-Jewish world has seeped in to such an extent that we have ALL been affected. Which of us truly understand the value of each additional child, and their importance to Klal Yisrael?
May HKB”H help us do teshuva.
Please share this article to be mezake the rabim. Perhaps someone will rethink their attitude and a child will be born because you passed this on to someone else.
Below are the PDFs of the original portion of the Sefer Otzar Tahara and of the full version of the translation.
The English is the first one:
